The Bum (Short Story)

This is my first short story that I put on this blog, give constructive criticism. Also, I am looking for people to design a cover of sorts for Kandraken. Please contact me by E-mail if you have talent:

znhunter@gmail.com
Use the subject: "Kandraken Cover"

The Bum

I walked up to the 7-11 that was across the street from the main terminal bus shelter in downtown Fort McMurray. I walked in and was greeted with the usually cheery “hi Zach” by the clerk (I went there every day after work so I was well known there). It was rare for a store clerk to know one person by name and by face in a city that was gaining on it’s 100 000th resident. I walked up to the counter and ordered my usual meal: two pieces of chicken and the wedge fries that were just so good. He gave me my meal steaming hot as usual, and I paid Hafiz at the counter. I exited the store and sat on the bench at the bus stop, waiting for my bus.

I was eating for about five minutes and was just about to start on my second and last piece of chicken, when a man sat next to me. I was startled by him and jumped a little in my seat. He was dressed in a tattered overcoat that had an ugly brown colour. His pants were torn at the knees, and looked to be about a hundred years old. He had a scruffy beard and hair that looked like it hadn’t been washed in days, possibly weeks. The man’s face had dirt and grime all over it and it wasn’t very pretty. There was also a stench that wafted off of him like a siege army. The man himself looked to be about forty. He looked at me with a pleading look. I looked at my meal. I lived in a big house in the middle of Eagle Ridge, a ritzy neighborhood where the house prices averaged at about $700 000. I didn’t need this meal. I gave the last piece of chicken to the man, along with the remaining half of the wedge fries. He tore into the meal like he was a wild animal. It was then I noticed his thin figure. There was a possibility that the man had not eaten much in days, maybe a week.

My bus pulled up about five minutes later, along with the parade of the other ones that came with it to the main terminal. I surprised even myself when I asked the hobo to come with me to my house. He looked at me shocked, as if no one had ever been this nice to him.

“What’s your name,” I said. “Mine is Zachary.”

“My name is Benjamin, thank you for being so nice to me and giving me a meal. I would be happy to accompany you to your house.” I was a little surprised by his speech, I half expected it to be slurred and undefinable. However it was very clear, and he used words that I wouldn’t expect a bum to use in natural speech. I led him to bus number four and gave him the $1.25 fare. Ben got on and put the money in the slot, the bus driver gave him a dirty look, but as I came up behind Ben I glared at the Bus driver’s disgusted face, and he whited out. I am a fairly big man, at 6’8” and about 250 pounds of muscle. The bus driver however was about 5’ tall and 150 pounds soaking wet. I put my fare into the slot, and walked to the back of the bus where Ben had gone. I sat down next to him, and then scooted one seat over. He stunk so bad that I almost couldn’t stand it. He looked at me frowning and I laughed, his frown turned upside down and he started laughing to. We laughed until we got to my house fifteen minutes later.

Kandraken Chapter one

Kandraken Chapter One (Revision)

This is the revised version of Kandraken Chapter one Enjoy!!!

Peter, the fifteen year old boy, looked down at the unsuspecting crowd of vacationers, on the quaint Hawaiian beach. His perch on top of the beachfront hotel allowed him to see a wide view of the beach. With his Kandraken enhanced eyesight he could see the tsunami sized wave that was coming their way. The wave was miles away so he still had some time. He decided to open a channel to his master Dan Chow. He gazed into the noonday sun to gather all of the light he could to do magic.

“Hencran Manda Sepousa Chow, kandraken.” He spoke the chant to open a channel to the chow manner. After the chant he clapped his hands together, separated his palms so the fingers were only just touching. A small ball of golden electricity formed inside his palms. He forced the energy through his fingers and out his fingertips. His hands slowly began to pull apart, and then he wrenched them outwards and tilted towards the left at his waist so that his arms were vertical, then to the right, and the circle hanging in the air in front of him was complete. The circle began to fill in with a bright sparkling yellow light and then he saw the faint image of his master’s comm room, and then there was a huge spiderweb crack in the screen and it dissipated, leaving only the faint smell of smoke, and sulfur.

This had never happened before, he started to get worried. But then he saw the wave coming closer to land, Peter wasted too much time trying to establish his magical comm link. He had to get down to the beach now, or all would be lost! He looked down from his hotel roof and saw the wave coming, it was still only a mile away but he was getting worried. He hopped off of the 5 story hotel, and landed on the ground, rolled and came up on one knee. He looked back. There was a crack where he had landed. I guess I landed too hard, thought Peter. He stretched up to his full height and started to run, no, sprint towards the beach.

He got to the beach and noticed that he had just gotten there in the nick of time. There were alot of people on the beach that day. There were people suntanning, sleeping, playing volleyball, reading. He estimated that there had to be about one thousand people on the beach that day. He looked to his left and saw that there was a five year old’s birthday being held there. He saw the wave just cresting the horizon, he started to work, and fast. He uttered another chant.

“Renka sendouna senkra, kandraken.” He looked around the beach, he was starting to get strange looks. Peter’s arms were up above his head and his face was facing the sky. he chuckled to himself because he knew that he looked weird. However, back to business, he needed to stop that wave. He concentrated hard, he took his time and gathered all of his strength, and then it happened. Someone saw the wave! The man had to have had very good eyesight to see the wave from that distance. He whispered to his wife to ask her if he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. She looked out to the sea with an amused expression on her face, the amusement suddenly turned into fear and disbelief. She closed her book calmly (a reaction that Peter did not expect), got up and folded her chair. Her husband did the same. Then she ran away from the ocean screaming “TIDAL WAVE!” at the top of their lungs. Her husband was close behind. Peter sighed and shook his head.

All of the sudden there was widespread panic on the beach, people began to run in every direction tripping and falling over each other. There was screaming and yelling. Peter began to falter, but he held strong. Now wasn’t the time to get distracted, he concentrated and pushed out with his arms in a sweeping motion. He sent a massive shock wave thought the air that spread out for miles. It was magic designed by his master to deflect water, and with a few modifications to adapt to Peter’s massive Kandraken strength, it was good to deflect tsunami’s if it had to. As the shock wave hit the water it created a massive wake, it looked as if an invisible cruise liner was rocketing through the water. You could see the shock wave, it was a sparkly electric blue. It hit the wave with a smacking sound, and the wave mushroomed out when they made contact. The shock wave continued to grow until it had stopped the entire wave and then it flattened out, creating a force field that held the water vertically like a wall. All of the tonnes of water fell back into the sea, and the disaster was averted!

If he was to get away, without the police and reporters on his tail, he needed to move fast.

“Bodreek Bendra, kandraken.” which directly translates to “Body change to bird.” His body began to shrink as his face grew elongated and his skin turned to feathers. He had chosen a nice blue feathered bird with a red breast and a yellow beak. This was his favourite, as it was the bird that people would notice even if they are in peril. His master hated this transformation, he had told Peter to change into a seagull and being this close to the sea on an island that would be inconspicuous. But Peter never followed the norm. He wanted to be different. He also noticed that he was on the beach still and people were watching him open mouthed. He squawked and uttered a chant in his mind.

“Erasenaka Moudrena, kandraken.” Which was the spell to erase peoples memory. Then, he went to flap his wings and he was gone, leaving a beach full of knocked out people. Peter was tired from all of the magic he had controlled, and he just wanted to get to his spot, the only place that really mattered to him. But, little did he know that his adventure was only just beginning.

Stories

This is the first communication on the stories by Zach blog. I will be unveiling my story Kandraken, about a boy who is about 15 years old (he doesn't know) and he has extraordinary superhuman powers. I would like to say that this is inspired by my two favorite authors: Brent Weeks, and Scott Sigler. But, my stories are in no way based on any of theirs.

I expect to have the first thousand words out in about a week. So stick around and see if you like it.

I am 15 and I have always aspired to be a writer, so give me criticism (good or bad) to help me out. I hope one day to be published.